More Than Words

Crowded. That's how I describe the entire room.
 Corner. That's where I was, as the light softly gleams my hair and my hand grasps the end of my jacket awkwardly.
Carefree. That's how everyone else felt as they continued their standard conversation. Then there was me....isolated,alone. I could actually think of a lot more words, but they all seemed similar for how I felt at that exact moment , I still do actually.
Different. That is what my family calls me ,as if they were my real family.
Special, my teacher calls me that due to my lack of speaking in class..or anywhere.
Freak, I am always called that, pratically anywhere.
Beautiful. He called me that last year, and it was the only time someone called me that.
Lied. He did that.
Shattered. He did that to my heart. I can still feel the pieces re-attaching together slowly..until it comes to a Stop when I see him with her. Why must she be so...what's the word..better?
Always better than me, everyone is. I guess his motto is: "New Year, New Girl."
Changing. Why is everyone doing that now? It's tragic since sadly I'm still the same weirdo.
Except..I don't know who I really am. Who I was meant to be, who I want to be.
I guess that will remain only one word. UNKNOWN.

Love,
A

A Poem I Found #2

                                                                I am not.

Stop telling me
how beautiful I am
and how cute
my dimples are.
Stop saying that I
am such a funny girl.

Beautiful girls
don't stand alone
at parties
or spend Friday nights
alone in the kitchen.
Funny girls don't
lock themselves
away;
         to cry.
                                                                      -Josephin August

Bringing Me Down

(I was actually going to write a lovey dovey happy story but someone had to ruin it.I don't know if the person I am writing to has actually seen this blog. If you have, Congrats! At least you did something you could do on your own.) 
I am literally tired of this, I'm tired of everything.! ...Why do I have to be so nice to everyone? It is a gift, but a curse.  I actually really like to do kind things to people, but when you expect me to do things I am 110% percent uncomfortable doing..just no.  This person has a habit of bringing people down. What he doesn't know, (Yes, It's a Guy. He has never been mentioned in this blog though. I never wanted to write about this dude but for what he is doing to me..He deserves it.) is that he is hurting me the most.
He is just 'too busy' realizing it.  So, he is thinking that "Oh I can hang out with my best friend's ex but she can't hang out mine? It doesn't matter, they were never really dating!" "I'm going to forget about my friend, I'm sure she will be okay! You know what? I'm going to forget everything that ever happened between us!" "I am going to be the one hurting her and never notice it!" .....
If he doesn't think that is what he is doing, well it's actually how I feel.  Doesn't he know what I have been through? Why can't I be the one who gets the help? I guess I'm more "helpless" than "helpful".
Yeah, I get that he has been through a tough time. But, COME ON! He really has to understand what he is doing to people. I am going to admit something so don't judge: I actually thought I was "special" to him. I'm going to give you a minute to pause and laugh....................................................................
But, He actually has a lot of "special" friends. I think I'm just going to be one less person he will ever care about. I remember where he said that we will still be friends in the beginning in the school year.
Well, look at him! Hurting me so much and not noticing!

He may think that all these other people are bringing me down, but he will be surprised that person is him. I actually hope he isn't the only one. But like always, I seem to get my hopes up.
Love,
A
(P.S.  I still have no idea if he has ever seen the blog. Let me say this: If he was really a good friend of mine, he would never ever do anything to me. Also if he was my friend, he would understand what I'm saying and apologize before my nightmare of falling apart becomes a complete reality.)

A Unwanted Miracle

I don't know what's going on with me right now. On Thursday at school something..happened. I can't even say it to anyone because I promised I wouldn't. As I went home, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was not just anything, it had to do with my past. My entire love history had just boosted up and fell apart at that exact moment. So, I tried to fall asleep. But, the dream was rather odd and it helped me understand that..Love is pain. But, no matter who's heart gets broken once again,everyone will do love again and again. In my dream, I was in a dark room and all I can hear was all of the things 'that person' told me on Thursday echoing.
"I still want to talk to you." "Don't think I forgot about you." "I want to keep this between us."
I couldn't tell whether I was happy about that or not.  I wanted it to be over, I didn't want me and 'that person's relationship/friendship to even exist! Then, this person turned on the lights and said that she was my guardian angel. (Although she looked like someone from a 80s movie, perhaps from the Breakfast Club movie.)
Here are a few things she said. " What is going on with you?  Stop thinking about that fag! Remember the things he did to you, he left you! So, now he wants to be your 'friend'. If he really cares for you, he would actually talk to you in public. Now listen, I knew you wanted this to  happen a LONG time ago. It's 2014!! You may not know him that well, but he doesn't fucking know you!  Just ignore him, it will do you good. So keep your head high and forget all those people who tried to hurt you. They aren't worth it."
To my surprise, she was right. I don't need anyone right now. I can live on my own, just like before all this shit happened. I'm okay.
Love,
A  <3
(Hi Strangers! If any of you want to ask me anything or have any suggestions on what I should do, comment down below! I love you all and I hope you have a wonderful day! Stay Strong!)

Mr.Wish

Ok, Well here goes yet another story about a boy. I met him when I was helping my aunt and uncle move into this brand new house. I was walking out the U-Haul but suddenly I tripped and fell in this backyard, almost breaking my foot. The sun turned into shade when this..amazing guy who came to save me from my over complicated life..and my fall. I'm calling him Mr.Wish because he gave me this wish bone necklace although I first thought it was a horse shoe. Anyways, we were very close and he was perfect as if that word actually existed. It was wonderful.
Then, I came to visit a few weeks later. I was at his house and we had a really great time. I knew that he liked me and I liked him too. (See how I wrote 'liked', as in the past.) Anyways, he admitted his feelings and I said that I never knew that I would meet my 'Prince'. We looked like we were about to kiss....and we did. In that moment, it hit me. It has been a long time since I was that happy. It felt different, but I liked it ( 'liked' = past).  I was picturing on how it would be when we were together. But, good things never last that long.
Shit happened during Christmas time. He said he wasn't ready to date. That wasn't the first time I heard that, but I realized that I wasn't ready either. At all. I think he was lying to me, but I guess I will never know. It is slightly impossible to find your true love at this moment. I mean, you never even know if it's the right person. Nobody knows anything these days.  At least I somehow found a New Year Resolution: I want to stop getting attached to people. I know that's going to be difficult but I will survive.
Love,
A

5 Random Facts About Me and..Stuff

Hi Strangers! I decided to do 5 random facts about me because 1. I thought it would be fun, and 2. I have nothing else to write or do. So, Let's get started!!
1. The name of this blog "Bulletproof heart break" is inspired by two amazing songs: Bulletproof Love by Pierce The Veil and Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance. I LOVE those bands so much! I'm a fan of all types of music but no matter what happens, MCR and PTV will be there for me.
2. The title "When you grow up, your heart dies" is a classic line from my favorite movie of all time, The Breakfast Club. I will never get tired of this film, no matter what! This is one of the things that cheers me up. Plus, the ending song is literally the theme song of my unfortunate life.

3. As you may read some of my previous posts, you will probably know this already. I am overly attached to Brendon Urie, the lead singer of Panic! At The Disco. I would give up anything to meet him. Although he is married, He will forever be my Husband. I LOVE HIM!

4. I don't think I want to be with anyone this year. I like the whole 'happily ever after' concept, I just rather be alone than broken,depressed,dumped, you name it!
And...
5. I am going to admit that I made TONS of mistakes that has changed everything . Everything starts changing once in a while. But you know what? I don't regret anything. So here's a big Fuck You to Life!
I just felt like doing this, I have no idea why though.. I'm going to continue doing my usual awkward stories.
Love,
A <3