Why does everything seem like a blur all of a sudden? Like, somehow the world has triggered and gathered, into one huge,releasing ticking bomb, as if we never know when we are about to explode in ecstasy,leaving all what we desired left behind.
I'm Sick. Not just the sniffles or fever, or anything that will cause me to rest but still breathe. I'm also sick, the metaphor type of sick. I'm sick of everything, if that's what I mean. As I type, I can seem to feel my fingers tapping the words I need to spell. The loud, cold, air in my room doesn't seem to help, but keeps the feelings going. I'm numb, and sad, and melodramatic. I may be describing all these words, but I can never seem to figure out how I'm feeling right now. No one can.
Maybe it just bothers me that every single living person on the planet thinks life as just a funny little joke. It just takes them to actually live it so they can realize they might be wrong..Maybe I have just over-lived my life a little too much than I needed. Maybe, I just need to stop everything.
Someone I know was right, you know? I am apparently special than everyone else is. I used to be so easy to crack, all it takes is fulfilling the pain inside my soul. Now, to be completely honest, I'm insane. I don't know why people even interact with me, how they even cope with my inner insanity.
I also don't know why not just love hurts, but..everything has got to hurt in the end. People say that when we die, everything will be okay. What if those people were wrong? What if as we die, whether slow or fast, we realize that all we wanted, was something that we will never even have? What if we can never seem to get what we want in this terrible world?
I don't know what to do right now. I think I should personally change "A" into "Insane", considering I'm more of a monster than a shadow. I don't know if this "Insane" demon will ever go away. I may be breathing fine, but..I already seem dead. I just want someone to take all this pain away from me, but it's not even possible. You want to know why, Strangers? Because all everyone does to me, is destroy every good part of me in the end. I just can't never tell when the end will start.
Well..I guess you guys will think that I will see you all soon. It all just depends on if there will ever be a new post.
Bye. Love,
I don't know who the fuck I am anymore.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
Q&'A' #3 (Long Version)
Hai.
Well there comes a time when I answer a bunch of questions due to my lack of actually writing something for you guys..and that time is definitely yes. I will write something else tho.Anyways,Here we go!
(If any of you have any questions just let me know. :)This WILL be a lot so....just a warning. ENJOY.) Let's start with questions asked by my great friend "Espi". That's her nickname since she loves Matt Espinosa. Luv You Gurl <3 ;D
1.What do you mostly look forward in guys?
I'm not really picky *wink*, hahaI don't know. As long as he has trust, he ain't no player, and he loves me while I love him, we are all good.
2.What's your favorite topic to write about?
I have noticed as I write, that I always, and I mean ALWAYS, write about either love or tragedy..or both. So, I guess anything with tragedy and love?
3.Who inspires you to write stories?
I know this will probably sound deep, but absolutely any living or non-living thing in this universe inspires me to write my own perspective about..well, everything I want to write about.
Here are some from mah gurl Ally, I luv you although you abuse me lol.
4.What color is your poop?
What. the. hell. Um..Poop Color?
5.Do you pick your nose? Gurl what kind of questions are these?I used to when I was like younger, but I don't anymore.
6.Do you like candy? Yes.
7. Do you want candy? Yes.
8.Is this question gonna be on your blog? ...It is now :)
9.What inspired you to write? Look at 3.
10. What inspired you to create this blog? 2 Things. 1. Kalel's blog, omg yass. and 2. Basically all that shit that was going down at that time.
11. How would you describe your style? Umm..my style? jk, I have no idea. I guess really Hipster, Bohemian, I'm too Lazy, Style. You Decide xD.
Okay, well know is a bunch of questions I found/made up.
12.Dark, milk or white chocolate? Is that a trick question, can I choose all three? I love chocolate.
13.Favorite Lyrics Right Now? SURFBOARD...
14.Who was the last person you held hands with? The person from the last post, I think.
15.Are you easy to get along with? I think so, but I also think that's a good question for my friends.
16. Do you still talk to your first crush? Hahaha no.
17. Have you ever been high? Yeah, High On Life!! Just kidding, don't do drugs kids.
18. Do you have trust issues? Yes, and it sucks.
19.Who was the last person you cried in front of? Does the mirror's reflection count?
and Finally 20.Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.
I guess that's it, I will see you all soon. Have a good day!
Love,
A.
Well there comes a time when I answer a bunch of questions due to my lack of actually writing something for you guys..and that time is definitely yes. I will write something else tho.Anyways,Here we go!
(If any of you have any questions just let me know. :)This WILL be a lot so....just a warning. ENJOY.) Let's start with questions asked by my great friend "Espi". That's her nickname since she loves Matt Espinosa. Luv You Gurl <3 ;D
1.What do you mostly look forward in guys?
I'm not really picky *wink*, hahaI don't know. As long as he has trust, he ain't no player, and he loves me while I love him, we are all good.
2.What's your favorite topic to write about?
I have noticed as I write, that I always, and I mean ALWAYS, write about either love or tragedy..or both. So, I guess anything with tragedy and love?
3.Who inspires you to write stories?
I know this will probably sound deep, but absolutely any living or non-living thing in this universe inspires me to write my own perspective about..well, everything I want to write about.
Here are some from mah gurl Ally, I luv you although you abuse me lol.
4.What color is your poop?
What. the. hell. Um..Poop Color?
5.Do you pick your nose? Gurl what kind of questions are these?I used to when I was like younger, but I don't anymore.
6.Do you like candy? Yes.
7. Do you want candy? Yes.
8.Is this question gonna be on your blog? ...It is now :)
9.What inspired you to write? Look at 3.
10. What inspired you to create this blog? 2 Things. 1. Kalel's blog, omg yass. and 2. Basically all that shit that was going down at that time.
11. How would you describe your style? Umm..my style? jk, I have no idea. I guess really Hipster, Bohemian, I'm too Lazy, Style. You Decide xD.
Okay, well know is a bunch of questions I found/made up.
12.Dark, milk or white chocolate? Is that a trick question, can I choose all three? I love chocolate.
13.Favorite Lyrics Right Now? SURFBOARD...
14.Who was the last person you held hands with? The person from the last post, I think.
15.Are you easy to get along with? I think so, but I also think that's a good question for my friends.
16. Do you still talk to your first crush? Hahaha no.
17. Have you ever been high? Yeah, High On Life!! Just kidding, don't do drugs kids.
18. Do you have trust issues? Yes, and it sucks.
19.Who was the last person you cried in front of? Does the mirror's reflection count?
and Finally 20.Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.
I guess that's it, I will see you all soon. Have a good day!
Love,
A.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Forbidden Desire/I'm Back!
Have you ever wanted something or perhaps someone so bad but you knew that you can never have him, and when that someone leaves your over-pathetic life, you start to get sad even though he was never really yours? ....I guess since that was a LONG question, but my answer is a yes.
Hello Strangers, How have you been? I've been..good? I don't know, I'm still numb but I am alive.
Yass. Anyways, I have many ideas that is going to make this blog..even better than before. I am planning a bunch of things, so look forward to that soon. I just pray that my lazy side won't interfere with all of this, but don't you wallflowers worry, I will destroy that lazy ass monster.
Anyways, back to the question. I think this is just a crush, but ughhhh....why must it be that specific person? I was really surprised, but this person had never really interacted with me until now. If I knew him before, I think I would've had a chance to be with him and be happy. But, the only thing that creates a big barrier between me and that person is lies, posers, and well..the past. I just wish he didn't have a connection with someone I never ever will mention again in my entire life. It's simply impossible though, yet like mah idol Audrey Hepburn says, "Nothing Is Impossible. The word itself says 'I'm Possible'!" I just really, really can't help it. My "Ally" always says, The Heart Wants What
The Heart Wants. Thanks gurl, but I kind of wish that wasn't true. Oh well. :p
Well, I guess I'm off to the "real world" in order to seek ideas of pure, depressing, astonishing reality for this blog. I just want to thank everyone for reading and I hope to see you very soon.
I WILL BE BACK. I make a honest vow to make posts here or I will absolutely have my friends slap me in the face until I do.
Cross My Heart,
</3 Hope To Die. Bye!
Love,
A.
Hello Strangers, How have you been? I've been..good? I don't know, I'm still numb but I am alive.
Yass. Anyways, I have many ideas that is going to make this blog..even better than before. I am planning a bunch of things, so look forward to that soon. I just pray that my lazy side won't interfere with all of this, but don't you wallflowers worry, I will destroy that lazy ass monster.
Anyways, back to the question. I think this is just a crush, but ughhhh....why must it be that specific person? I was really surprised, but this person had never really interacted with me until now. If I knew him before, I think I would've had a chance to be with him and be happy. But, the only thing that creates a big barrier between me and that person is lies, posers, and well..the past. I just wish he didn't have a connection with someone I never ever will mention again in my entire life. It's simply impossible though, yet like mah idol Audrey Hepburn says, "Nothing Is Impossible. The word itself says 'I'm Possible'!" I just really, really can't help it. My "Ally" always says, The Heart Wants What
The Heart Wants. Thanks gurl, but I kind of wish that wasn't true. Oh well. :p
Well, I guess I'm off to the "real world" in order to seek ideas of pure, depressing, astonishing reality for this blog. I just want to thank everyone for reading and I hope to see you very soon.
I WILL BE BACK. I make a honest vow to make posts here or I will absolutely have my friends slap me in the face until I do.
Cross My Heart,
</3 Hope To Die. Bye!
Love,
A.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Evolving Into A Mutt (Letter)
Dear Puppy,
This is going to be sort of short and simple, I don't need to write you a lot.Well..let me start off by saying you are soo...ugh! You can't really make up your mind, can't you? You remind me of a piece of regular gum, sweet, then stale. You literally have no flavor, no confidence. I hope you go get spayed and neutered!I can't believe I even liked you once. One time you said that you weren't in love with me anymore, then you are crawling back to me?! Hell nah!
I am so getting tired of your overloading of nagging and negativity. All of this about "Nobody likes me", "I have no friends, ughhh" is getting annoying. (P.S. You actually have friends. I know that cause you probably talk to them about me. I'm not that stupid.) I'm sorry, but the truth hurts like hell. I guess that's it. This is the last of you in my blog, maybe even in the real world. Please don't expect me to talk to you or anything, you would be better off without me. I promise.
','
A.
This is going to be sort of short and simple, I don't need to write you a lot.Well..let me start off by saying you are soo...ugh! You can't really make up your mind, can't you? You remind me of a piece of regular gum, sweet, then stale. You literally have no flavor, no confidence. I hope you go get spayed and neutered!I can't believe I even liked you once. One time you said that you weren't in love with me anymore, then you are crawling back to me?! Hell nah!
I am so getting tired of your overloading of nagging and negativity. All of this about "Nobody likes me", "I have no friends, ughhh" is getting annoying. (P.S. You actually have friends. I know that cause you probably talk to them about me. I'm not that stupid.) I'm sorry, but the truth hurts like hell. I guess that's it. This is the last of you in my blog, maybe even in the real world. Please don't expect me to talk to you or anything, you would be better off without me. I promise.
','
A.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Pretend To Live
Just Do It. Lie. Forget.
Everywhere I go, there they are. Lying to move on and hurting other people to be even happier. They may think they are the greatest human beings in the world. But, no. They are cowards. Liars. Monsters.
Most of all, they are Pretenders.
The only good thing in life that they can do is pretend to be someone else, making someone happy until they crush their dreams. I am that someone.
They pretend to be my mom, my grandma,..my dad. I didn't think my dad would have to pretend not to be mine.
They pretend to be my friends, fading away day by day. I can already feel it.
They pretend to be my best friend, well..he's not doing a good job at it.
They pretend to be my true love, who would really do that to break someone's heart? I know who. Many of the heartbroken disguises themselves as strong. Unlike them, i never have a disguise. Wait, I actually do. It's very weak though, like a cacoon. Except, my butterfly will be dead once the cacoon opens.
Has it occured to anyone that everyone is not who they really are? You can talk to someone for a long time, but that person might not be what you think they are.
I don't know. Maybe I'm pretending. I'm pretending to be this bundle of joy in the real world. A happy, too fucking nice, girl.
Deep inside, I am..this. In case you are wondering, the reason why I'm 'A' is because..I rather hide the fact that I'm this Psycho here than in the real world. See? I'm a pretender. Everyone is. It just takes alot of guts to realize it..before you explode. How do I know? I did.
Love,
A.
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