Evolving Into A Mutt (Letter)

Dear Puppy,
This is going to be sort of short and simple, I don't need to write you a lot.Well..let me start off by saying you are soo...ugh! You can't really make up your mind, can't you? You remind me of a piece of regular gum, sweet, then stale. You literally have no flavor, no confidence. I hope you go get spayed and neutered!I can't believe I even liked you once. One time you said that you weren't in love with me anymore, then you are crawling back to me?! Hell nah!
I am so getting tired of your overloading of nagging and negativity. All of this about "Nobody likes me", "I have no friends, ughhh" is getting annoying. (P.S. You actually have friends. I know that cause you probably talk to them about me. I'm not that stupid.) I'm sorry, but the truth hurts like hell. I guess that's it. This is the last of you in my blog, maybe even in the real world. Please don't expect me to talk to you or anything, you would be better off without me. I promise.
                                                                                                  
                                                                                                    ','
                                                                                                       A.